You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
