addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
