break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
