1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just threw up on my dentist
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
