The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
