i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
