hotel room ftw
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
whose parrot is this?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
