We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
