there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
