ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
