just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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