I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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