Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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