guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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