my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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