goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
