You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
