So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize