I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
