fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
