I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
