I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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