I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
