it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
