I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
