Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
