it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
