you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
