If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
