I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I met the friendliest cop last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
