My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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