So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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