after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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