So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
