we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
