We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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