threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
