I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
