Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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