Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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