he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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