im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
