just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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