So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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