I'm so fucking centered right now
Screwed.edu
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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