im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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