is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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