Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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