He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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