The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
