Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
