I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
