Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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