.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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