Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
