I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
