Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
