I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
