Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
