If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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