then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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