after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
