I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
