He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
