One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
