Your tits are I can't wait for
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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