You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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