I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
is it fun? or sober?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
