I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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