So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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