the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
