Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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