The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
