now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize